Quips
These quotes are from tee shirts and bumper stickers:
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
Don't squat down with your spurs on.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Liberal Arts Major: Will Think For Money
Growing Old Is Inevitable. Growing Up Is Optional
Failure is Not An Option. It Comes Bundles With The Software
Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law.
If At First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't For You
First Things First, But Not Necessarily In That Order
Men Are From Earth. Women Are From Earth. Deal With It.
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes.
There Is Always One More Imbecile Than You Counted On
Before You Criticize Someone, Walk A Mile In His Shoes---That Way, If He
Gets Angry, He’ll Be A Mile Away....and Barefoot
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Calm down, it's just ones and zeros
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Stop repeat offenders! Don't re-elect them!
There's an exception to every rule, except this one.
Ann Underwood sent me some phrases that were mentioned
in an article by Eleanor Blau, published in The New York
Times 4/21/95. They addressed that always tricky situation
when someone’s really played badly and you don’t
want to say anything and you have to say something. In
other words, the musicians’ equivalent of “what
a baby!”
“You really outdid yourself!!”
“You should have been out front tonight!!”
“I never heard a dulcimer played like that!!”
“I can never imagine your playing better!!”
“You have NO idea how that sounded out there!!”
“That certainly was a performance!!”
Only in America
do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to
get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
front.
do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
useless junk in the garage.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
EVER WONDER ..
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
